1 00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:05,738 I don't know what to get your mother for our anniversary. 2 00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:09,475 After 22 years of marriage, what can I possibly get her 3 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,377 that would really make her happy? 4 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,612 You could always drop Alf off in the desert. 5 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,483 No. 6 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:21,587 Wouldn't want to waste that on anything less than our 25th. 7 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:24,023 - Ahh. - Good morning, Alf. 8 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,759 - Yeah, yeah. - What's the matter? 9 00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:30,095 - Didn't you sleep well? - Is it that noticeable? 10 00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,431 I tried using Kate's cover stick 11 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:35,834 but I guess, unlike her, I was too sparing with it. 12 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,339 Morning. Alf, um.. 13 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:43,375 What are these orange hairs doing in my cover stick? 14 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,978 Well, if they're brown at the roots, they're yours. 15 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,615 What is his problem? 16 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:53,285 I'll tell you what my problem is, as if you care. 17 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:56,588 I missed the Melmackian rite of passage. 18 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,927 Does it involve a small goat dressed in Kate's best pumps? 19 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,830 Because that's still out of the question. 20 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:09,868 It so happens that on Melmac, when a chap turns 233 21 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,738 he has 6 months to become a minister 22 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,809 or spend the rest of his life as an outcast. 23 00:01:16,811 --> 00:01:18,710 Alf, your planet exploded. 24 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:22,781 How much more of an outcast can you possibly be? 25 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,216 Oh, you're right, Lynn. 26 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,218 I didn't see it that way. 27 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,686 Now let's see if you can help me 28 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:31,557 with my feelings of disloyalty to my God. 29 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,226 - Alf, your God.. - Barry! 30 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,994 Mwah! Mwah! 31 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,063 Barry... understands 32 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,599 that you're outside his jurisdiction. 33 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,535 Thank you, sister Kate. 34 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,070 No, I'm afraid if you don't help me 35 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,172 become a minister in two weeks 36 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:51,243 I'll be a lost, wandering soul for eternity. 37 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,911 I guess that would affect the dynamics 38 00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,380 of the whole family then, wouldn't it? 39 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,616 Well, let's just say Barry.. 40 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,784 Mwah, mwah. 41 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,687 ...help us all. 42 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,656 [theme music] 43 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,686 [music continues] 44 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,054 Homina, homina, homina, baruch, romana.. 45 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,123 [indistinct chatter] 46 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,091 ...and we all say.. 47 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,726 (all) Amen. 48 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,429 Second verse, same as the first. 49 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,164 Alf. 50 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,933 Barry.. Mwah, mwah. 51 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,869 ...says be seated. 52 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:28,173 We have come together on this solemn occasion 53 00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:32,444 to test whether or not Gordon Shumway, that's me.. 54 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,846 I'm doing double duty here. 55 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:38,383 ...is ready to teach the words of his holiness, Barry. 56 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,418 Mwah, mwah. 57 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,958 ¶ Aaah Barry Barry bo ¶ 58 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,526 ¶ Barry bo nana fana fo ¶ 59 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,862 ¶ Barry be fine mo Mary Mary.. ¶¶ 60 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,498 - Alf! - Okay, let's do Alf. 61 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,367 ¶ Alf Alf bo Alf.. ¶¶ 62 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,702 This is really silly. 63 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,971 What kinda religion is this anyway? 64 00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:02,140 It's reformed. What does it look like? 65 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,309 Now, the congregation will now ask me 66 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,945 four questions from the holy scroll. 67 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,882 If I answer three out of the four right, I become a minister. 68 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,218 If I miss more than one.. 69 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,887 Well, there's always the open bar. 70 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,556 Brian, you're first. 71 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,892 Question number one. 72 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,862 "What's the kindest thing you can do for someone else?" 73 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,999 Burp downwind. 74 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:31,236 He's right. It says, "he who burps downwind 75 00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:35,040 can party with me anytime." 76 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,409 Well, that's one right. Three to go. 77 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,578 - Lynn? - Okay. 78 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,581 [clears throat] Question number two. 79 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:46,752 "What one gesture will prove your undying love for another?" 80 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,756 A Mazda Miata. 81 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,358 - Well, how could Barry.. - Ah-ah-ah-ah. 82 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,093 Mwah, mwah. ...have known that? 83 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:58,163 - They just came out last year. - Barry knows. 84 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,465 Actually, it says any red convertible. 85 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,735 He's right. 86 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:07,372 Well, we've come to the halfway point. 87 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,373 Brian? 88 00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:14,546 "When does track lighting go with Berber carpet?" 89 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,616 Ohh. Let's see. 90 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,285 Uh, when you stick with stripes and solids 91 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,288 and stay away from patterns. 92 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,292 We worried about Barry, but as long as he was happy. 93 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,561 That's wrong. 94 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,930 You're wrong, Alf. "It's a stick with patterns 95 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,299 "stay away from solids, they're cold 96 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:38,637 and they don't create a welcome environment." 97 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:42,240 Ugh! Religion is so subjective. 98 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,542 This is your last chance. 99 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,844 So take advantage of the full 20 seconds. 100 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,448 "You've been dancing all night 101 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,616 "and you've noticed your partner's dress shields 102 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,318 "have given out. 103 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,088 "You like her, but others are starting to point. 104 00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:58,490 Do you tell her?" 105 00:05:58,492 --> 00:05:59,624 I remember this one. 106 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,793 The answer is "no." 107 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,663 Instead, you dance the first slow dance 108 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,799 then reach in and change them without her knowing. 109 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,870 He's right. 110 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,339 Congratulations, Alf, you're a minister. 111 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:17,442 You know, I'm sorry if I implied all this was frivolous. 112 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,311 Yes, yes! 113 00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:21,913 Oh, I've never won anything before in my life! 114 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,315 Come on, everybody. 115 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:27,185 Stand and follow my lead for a big Barry bye-bye. 116 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,788 Mwah, mwah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. 117 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,158 I didn't say, "Barry said stand." 118 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,860 Ugh. Now we're going to have to do this 119 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,762 all over again. 120 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:37,796 - Ohh! - What? 121 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,132 From the beginning. 122 00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:42,000 Start with the questions. Brian? 123 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:49,141 Oh, homina, homina, homina homina, homina, homina, homina. 124 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:52,477 ¶ Oh-oh-oh-oh amen ¶¶ 125 00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,615 Hi, Alf. 126 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,184 How was your first day as a minister? 127 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,786 Well, come, my flock. 128 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,954 It's time for me to hear your sins 129 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,224 and earn a couple of bucks on the side. 130 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:09,694 Oh, gee. I have the periodic table of elements to memorize. 131 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:13,465 Otherwise.. ...I'd find something else. 132 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,967 Heathenness! 133 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,903 Brian! Wee lad! 134 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:21,506 Sit on the stool! Ease your burden of conscience 135 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,074 and lighten your soul. 136 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:26,511 There must be something you're ashamed of. 137 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,181 Sorry. No, there isn't. 138 00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:31,383 Oh, come on. Of course there is. 139 00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,218 I know guilt when I see it. 140 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:38,590 Now, sit down, fork over two bucks, and dish. 141 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,759 All I've got is a quarter. 142 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:44,095 You're in luck. It's happy hour. 143 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,765 Now, I want you to confess the things you've done 144 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,701 that you don't want anyone to know about. 145 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,471 But if I tell you, you'll know. 146 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,907 Then I'll close the shutters, and I won't know who you are. 147 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:59,344 But you already know who I am. 148 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,680 Take your quarter. Go to your room. 149 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,282 - Get out of here. - Thanks. This was fun. 150 00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,054 There but for the grace of Barry.. 151 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,288 Mwah, mwah. 152 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,323 ...go I. 153 00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:17,162 Kate! Say yay-ah! 154 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,631 - Hi, Alf. - Ahh! 155 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,733 Barry is speakin' through me now. 156 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,302 I feel good, just like I knew I would. 157 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,339 I feel fine. It must be divine. 158 00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,407 Walk to me, Kate. Walk to me. 159 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:32,010 Show me you can walk. 160 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,713 I'll show you something else in a minute if you don't stop it. 161 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,815 Ahh, aggression. 162 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:40,619 What has made this tired, haggard woman so bitter? 163 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,420 What a life she must have had. 164 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:45,757 Everybody, everybody, please stand. 165 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,592 Pray for her. 166 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,928 ¶ Amazing grace ¶ 167 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,998 ¶ How sweet thou art ¶ 168 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,668 ¶ To save a wretch like Kate ¶¶ 169 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,336 Shut up! 170 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,338 Oh! I forgive you. 171 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,840 See how easy that was? 172 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:04,342 Now, come on, Kate. It's only two bucks. 173 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:10,649 I would rather confess my sins to Jimmy Swaggart. 174 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,385 You'd have to go to a cheap motel for that! 175 00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,655 [sighs] 176 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,223 This family's gonna burn. 177 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:31,303 Uh-oh. I hear the pitter-patter of pious paws. 178 00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,672 I bet you can't say that six times fast. 179 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,374 [knocking on door] 180 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:40,011 (Alf) 'Are you being fruitful and multiplying?' 181 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:43,114 - None of your business. - 'Oh, good.' 182 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,316 (Alf) 'Then I can come in.' 183 00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:46,151 [door opens] 184 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,819 Don't mind if I do. 185 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,120 You're too kind. 186 00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:53,158 Say, did it ever occur to you 187 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,727 that we might just want our privacy? 188 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,562 Well, you always say to ask first 189 00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:00,031 ever since that one time. 190 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,334 That was pretty embarrassing for you. 191 00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:04,569 I know it was for me. 192 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:07,706 - What do you want? - I've got a problem. 193 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:11,309 I'm in terrible danger of losing my ministry. 194 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,080 And the problem? 195 00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:18,149 Oh, hardy har har. 196 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:21,353 Men of peace are always objects of ridicule. 197 00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:23,221 Read this and weep. 198 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,594 "Can you find Barry in this picture?" 199 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,497 No! I'm talking about the paragraph under the 200 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:36,501 "can you help Barry get out of the maze?" 201 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:40,005 "If the newly ordained minister does not perform a good deed 202 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:43,742 "by officiating at a hallowed ceremony within ten working days 203 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:48,980 "thereby proving his worth as a man of the cloth, the.. 204 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,349 "...the penance shall be dire 205 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:55,253 and catastrophic to all those concerned." 206 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,055 There he is. There's Barry right there. 207 00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,025 Right by the big clock. You see? You see his face? 208 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,393 - Look. - Willie. 209 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,428 - Hmm? - Honey, focus. 210 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,598 We may be in big trouble. I need you with me. 211 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,635 There go all my dreams, my hopes. 212 00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:14,773 My plans for building a religious theme park. 213 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,941 Look, can we get back to that "dire penance" thing? 214 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,177 Just exactly how dire are we talking? 215 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,913 [yodeling] 216 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:22,914 Stop it! 217 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,785 Alright? I know it's fun now. 218 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,586 Just wait 20 years. 219 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,889 Because after midnight tonight 220 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,491 I'll be bound by all that's holy 221 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,894 to yodel for the rest of my life. 222 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:45,270 Honey, I'm afraid. 223 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:48,239 Sweetie, we're all afraid 224 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,942 but luckily, I have a plan. 225 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,345 Now, call me crazy, but what if, say 226 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:58,550 I were to officiate at a renewal of your wedding vows? 227 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:01,853 Not in my lifetime. 228 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:07,292 Alf, you're millions and millions of miles away. 229 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:11,463 Do you think Barry will really know if you don't yodel? 230 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,499 This planet's on the side of his good ear. 231 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,134 He'll know. 232 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,837 So think about it. Let me know in the morning. 233 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,175 He's really got us by the lederhosen, hasn't he? 234 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,078 Speak for yourself. 235 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,249 [Alf yodeling] 236 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,693 [Alf yodeling] 237 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:51,836 I like yodeling as much as the next guy, but I have my limits. 238 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,872 I know, Bri. Your mother and I 239 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,040 have had plenty of time to discuss this matter. 240 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,610 We just seem to be of somewhat different opinions. 241 00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,678 It's just that I think this maybe another trick of Alf 242 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,281 just to get us to do what he wants us to do. 243 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,484 Oh, I say, who cares? Let's just do it. 244 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,353 Mom, I know you're really against it 245 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,355 but I think the idea's romantic. 246 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,323 And you were wondering what to do for your anniversary. 247 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,425 I just don't know what it would do to the sanctity 248 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,261 of our marriage to be joined by a minister 249 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:20,932 who sucks cranberry juice through his nose. 250 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,669 Still, he seems sincere, and he did get Bar.. 251 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:28,973 Mwah, mwah. Barry out of the maze. 252 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,075 [coughing] 253 00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:34,779 Could I have some hot tea with lemon, please? 254 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,549 [yodeling] 255 00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,584 [coughing] 256 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:46,758 Only 400 more years of this, then I get to die. 257 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,326 Look at him, Kate. 258 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,931 He's a drooling, sniveling, pathetic mess. 259 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,867 Oh, that's it, Willie. Really sell it. 260 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,236 [yodeling] 261 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,205 [coughing] 262 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,240 Don't let me.. 263 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,274 [yodeling] 264 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,210 [coughing] 265 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:08,546 ...influence you. 266 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,481 How about it, Kate? 267 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,916 You wanna get married? 268 00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,551 Would it mean he'd stop yodeling? 269 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,556 I would love to marry you, honey. 270 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:21,292 And I don't feel manipulated at all. 271 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,493 [coughing] 272 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,495 Thank you. Oh, thank you. 273 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,364 Now, if you'll excuse me 274 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,301 I'm gonna try to find a cough drop the size of Dom Deluise. 275 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,336 [coughing] 276 00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:36,040 'Oops. Watch your step. I'll get that later.' 277 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,551 Do you think if I tried yodeling 278 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,653 I could get a new Nintendo game? 279 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,289 No, but it might get you a new set of teeth. 280 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,658 Come on. The first one's free. 281 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,194 I'm sorry. I guess I'm overly anxious 282 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,929 that everything goes smoothly. 283 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,330 Do you have the ring? 284 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:03,434 No, I sold for three magic beans. 285 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,838 - Brian, go get your father. - Why, what's wrong? 286 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,141 Nothing. And whatever you do, tell him not to panic. 287 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,377 Oh, my God! What-what's happened? 288 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,245 No to worry. 289 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,481 But I was just using my Barry-decoder ring 290 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:19,050 to figure out this last puzzle. 291 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:23,021 And I thought I should alert you to a potential problem. 292 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,056 You look really sharp, by the way. 293 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,458 Alf, what's the problem? 294 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,061 Well, it's just that if you and Kate 295 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,264 aren't truly moved by my ceremony 296 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,200 just call me Heidi, the lonely goatherd. 297 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:41,139 - What a wondrous religion. - Isn't it? 298 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,107 It's for ages three and up. 299 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,412 Well? How do I look? 300 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,447 Mom, you look beautiful. 301 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,815 You look neat. 302 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,051 My bride. 303 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,452 I think I'll keep her. 304 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,256 Kate, white? 305 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,658 I mean, you're at least three kids past white. 306 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,397 Or, white. White's just as good. 307 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,400 [doorbell ringing] 308 00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,668 Good timing. 309 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:17,108 - It's Mrs. Ochmonek. - Oh, great. Alf.. 310 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,912 Okay, okay. What would Jim Bakker do? 311 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:24,148 I know. I'll be on the floor in a fetal position. 312 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,223 - Oh, hi, Raquel. - Hello. Oh, my. Look at you. 313 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:36,127 Um, I saw all those lovely flowers being delivered 314 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,763 and I thought somebody might be sick. 315 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,165 It's, uh.. 316 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,834 Um.. 317 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,369 It's Brian's turtle. 318 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,676 - Oh, no! Gabby. - Oh, for heaven's sake. 319 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:55,046 - You don't even have a turtle. - Then who's Gabby? 320 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:56,047 Later. 321 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:04,122 Yes, uh, Brian's turtle Gabby passed away last night. 322 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,358 And we were just about to have a memorial service for him. 323 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,061 Oh, I see. 324 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,264 And was that Gabby's favorite dress? 325 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,900 Uh, yes, as a matter of fact, it was. 326 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,069 He was a very complex turtle. 327 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,772 I guess. 328 00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,540 Well, if there's anything I can do.. 329 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,308 You mean, in lieu of flowers? 330 00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,110 Look, this sounds crazy, I know 331 00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:29,180 but you could send a check to the New York City Ballet. 332 00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,851 He was quite a patron of the arts. 333 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,189 If you want me to leave, why don't you just say so? 334 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,491 In fact, don't even say so. I'll leave on my own. 335 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,660 I think that would be best. I-I'm sorry, Raquel. 336 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,562 We're, we're not ourselves. 337 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,733 I think we handled that pretty well. 338 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,638 Well, I expect to see you in confession tomorrow. 339 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,742 - Bring your checkbook. - Alf, please. Let's.. 340 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,211 Let's just get this over with. 341 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:04,082 Uh-oh. It's Heidi time. 342 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,716 Ah, what does he mean by that? 343 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:09,887 Oh, I think what Alf is trying to say is that 344 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,757 this is an expression of our love. 345 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,760 Uh, I can't think of any better way to spend our anniversary 346 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,497 than to, to confirm our vows all over again. 347 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,999 Well, how do you say that with a straight face? 348 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,204 Is everybody ready? 349 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,238 Lynn? 350 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:29,540 [button clicks] 351 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,076 [instrumental music] 352 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,978 [Alf clears throat] 353 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,313 Ah.. 354 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:39,016 We are gathered here to witness the rejoining 355 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:42,353 of these two pretty wonderful kids. 356 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,456 Two people who are more in love today 357 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,227 than they were when they first met 22 years ago. 358 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:52,230 Pretty touching, huh? 359 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,464 Willie, you're on. 360 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,267 Kate.. 361 00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:00,638 I take you for my wife. 362 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,074 To support and care for you 363 00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,710 to love you and cherish you 364 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,213 as I have since the first day we ever met. 365 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:13,151 You've given me three beautiful children. 366 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:17,889 And you've filled my life with joy and with love. 367 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:21,592 May our lives together be long and happy. 368 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,732 Willie.. 369 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,467 [chuckles] 370 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,970 I, I take you to be my husband, 371 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:37,975 to, to care for you and, and to support you. 372 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:41,913 To share your joy and your sorrow. 373 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,981 You're my rock. 374 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,751 You're my strength. 375 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,286 And I'll love you forever. 376 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,961 - Congratulations, mom and dad. - Alright! 377 00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,331 Hey, wait a second! It's not over yet. 378 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:04,769 What do you mean? Kate and I were both very moved. 379 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,905 Now we're back to being a yodel-free household. 380 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,275 Yeah, but it wasn't because of anything I said. 381 00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:12,877 Now, the rules specifically state-- 382 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,347 Look, Alf, being a minister doesn't depend on 383 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:19,450 just blindly following what's written in a book. 384 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,486 It's how you live. It's teachings. 385 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:25,923 You did something wonderful here 386 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:29,026 and we were moved. 387 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:33,497 Now I'm left feeling empty and void and hollow. 388 00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:37,134 Well, Alf, what was it you would have said? 389 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:41,005 Well, I probably would have opened with a joke. 390 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,275 See, you know, something to loosen the crowd. 391 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,612 Then I probably would have gone on to say 392 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:51,215 how hard it is to express true feelings. 393 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:54,852 Because it's hard to tell somebody how much you love them. 394 00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:58,623 And when I see the ease with which you two 395 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:02,026 declare your love over and over 396 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,395 well, I know that nothing can ever 397 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,665 come along to destroy it. 398 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,667 Now I'll never get a chance to say that. 399 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,157 Bummer. 400 00:21:16,158 --> 00:21:17,808 Just when I thought you couldn't surprise me. 401 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:21,178 Oh! Ha-ha! A tear! Hey, you saw it! 402 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:24,348 You all saw it! I've got witnesses. 403 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,783 I think that Barry.. 404 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,151 Mwah, mwah. 405 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:30,254 ...if he's listening, with his good ear 406 00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:31,522 is very proud of you. 407 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,691 Ha! Ha! Thank you! 408 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,726 Hey, now I'd like to say a few words 409 00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:39,030 about a brave young turtle named Gabby. 410 00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:42,266 For a turtle, he was kind of slow 411 00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:44,468 but we loved him nonetheless. 412 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:47,638 He was a dear pet, a nice pet. 413 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,173 A non-existent pet. 414 00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,850 - Morning, Alf. - Morning. 415 00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:02,086 You're not wearing your robes. 416 00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:04,622 Well, now that I've completed my training 417 00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:07,124 I only have to serve one weekend a month 418 00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:09,627 plus two weeks during the summer 419 00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:13,230 unless there's a national emergency. 420 00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:16,734 Well, I gotta give you credit, Alf. It was.. 421 00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,904 ...it was a very sweet ceremony. 422 00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,273 Well, thanks, Kate. 423 00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:24,975 So, uh, how was the old wedding night? 424 00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:27,645 Hubba hubba, ding ding! 425 00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:30,481 How the mighty have fallen. 426 00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:32,283 That good, huh? 427 00:22:32,285 --> 00:22:34,885 And while you're still in a giving mood 428 00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:36,787 isn't it customary to tip the one 429 00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:39,290 who performs the ceremony? 430 00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:41,092 Don't you think it's payment enough to know 431 00:22:41,094 --> 00:22:42,927 that you've done something admirable 432 00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,896 for your fellow bipeds? 433 00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:48,833 Look, I'll give you a receipt for twice the amount 434 00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:51,335 and you could write it off on your taxes. 435 00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,070 What's the big deal? 436 00:22:53,072 --> 00:22:54,405 I'll tell you what, Alf. 437 00:22:54,407 --> 00:22:57,908 How about a German chocolate cake? 438 00:22:57,910 --> 00:23:00,478 Really? Sold! 439 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:05,783 As Barry is my witness, I'll never go hungry again. 440 00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:08,285 Ah, ha! 441 00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:11,255 [theme music] 442 00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:15,259 [music continues] 443 00:23:40,553 --> 00:23:41,886 Yodelayheehoo!